According to Holy Bible. Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Wrath, Sloth and Gluttony are the known as the Cardinal Sins or Simply the Seven Deadly Sins. The base of Dante’s magnum opus Divine Comedy. I am a big fan of it not only of the allegory itself. But the modern era inspirations also like: the Dante’s Inferno game/ animated movie. Also include all famous Devil May Cry series.
Apart from faith, literature and entertainment one of the few things that keeps our life to blossom is our love life. It severely effects on productivity. Well surely I am not the best relationship expert in the town. Being a self-help advocate (for some people one of the finest. Don’t know they really think or make fun of me. Seriously! I don’t know) But I do know that I love my wife with the same intensity with she does and I have learned many things from her also. To make a love life work. There are many things you must do. Some of the most important to do are:
- Spending time together.
- Appreciate each other
- Be intimate often
- Talk, share and give
As what to do is important. What not to do in your relationship is another one of the significant issue. You are going to witness the Seven Deadly Sins of Relationship which surely you must avoid to have your love life healthy.
First sin to stay away in your relation is resentment. Resentment is a very slow poison, It gets into your life by simple expression like “He always forgets to bring my items from grocery.”. “She leaves the dishes for later to wash.” And gradually builds up to something bigger. It is also danger because it flies under our own radar so neither you nor your partner realize that resentment has started taking place in between.
If you ever notice that you are having resentment, cut it off while its small. You have two ways of dealing with it. 1. Take a breath and let it go. Accept your partner for who he/she is .Forget about faults and apply let it go stuff remembering that none of us is perfect. 2. But if you can not accept
it and it is lager then your basket of love, talk to your partner. The word is repeated “talk”, do not confront, express without being accusatory and try to come up with a solution not for yourself but for both of you.
Jealousy is hard to control when you feel it. It seems to happen by itself, unwanted, unbidden and out of control. However jealousy also effects your relation silently because jealousy itself has the tendency to make the other party realize that you are jealous to him/her and that creates the worst part. A little jealousy is fine. It can lead you to positive competition. But when it reaches to a certain level, It turns into the need to control your partner that itself turns into unnecessary fights.
After doing your emotional scrutiny you can easily realize that you have the symptoms of jealousy. There is no need to be ashamed of, you can kill it without trying to control your partner. Examine and find out the root issue which is often insecurity. Find out the reason of that insecurity. Sometimes you have the right to be insecure. If you have something like it, discuss with your partner. If you find no reason to be in be insecure, then this seed of insecurity born inside you due to some other reason. It could be due to any child hood incident or trauma. You can discuss the issue and let the air go. It is always good to speak out. Do it and kill the sin of jealousy.
3. Unrealistic Expectations.
Expectations itself sounds so sweet. But often the sins are sweet(apart from candies and puddings).It is good to expect from the loved ones as it is the essence of the relationship. But the ship itself may sink by the weight of loads of expectations. Have expectations, but you don’t need to expect your loved ones to be the dream lover. No one canbe the perfect one, a single person cannot have a all price charming- type attributes.
Realize that everyone has a mood that may vary from time to time. You cannot expect them to be exactly what you want every time, give room to your partner’s emotion and try to have some empathy (The tendency to realize what the other person is going through). The simple thing is to lower your expectations find out the plus points that your partner have and you did not know about them. For the most basic expectations share them with your partner. How can a person full fill your expectations when you don’t share it. For all else just love your partner for what he/she actually is.
4. Not making Time.
Often the couples who have kids are often the sinners in this case, but the sin also consumes other couples. Couples who get caught up in their work, hobbies, friends or families or some other passions. Couples who don’t spend time together often drifts apart due to lesser bonding. Spending time with kids, family and friends is a good thing but still you need to take some time to spend with your spouse alone together. Can’t find the time with all the things going on in your life, work kids and stuff. Find out the way to have time.
Seriously – make the time it is important for your healthy relationship. It is obviously not easy. You have to make arrangements but these arrangements worth it. There is no need to have an extravagant time together. You can just go to park, or have a walk and watch the sea together. Watching a movie together and discussing it afterwards could be a good idea. You can also help each other in cooking and have fun. Remember when you are together, not just be together make an effort to connect.
5. Not Showing Gratitude
Often there is no real problems in the relations like resentment or jealousy etc. But there is also no expressions of good thing of your partner either. The lack of appreciation or gratitude is as bad as the problems itself. Your partner would feel like he/she is taken for granted. You must know that no one like a monotones mechanical life, so there must be expressions. Everybody craves for some recognition. Some words of praise,you would also feel yourself good by speaking these magic words to other. While you have read some of the tactful ways of dealing the thing done wrong by your partner, remember and always have keen eyes to see the good things your partner does and when you see embrace her/him.
6. Lacking Affection
Everything can back to right. Like you can eliminate the jealousy, can start showing gratitude and stuff, but if you have lost the affection, you are in serious trouble. When the couples lost the affections in a shorter term it doesn’t sound any problem at all but then the relation starts drifting towards a catastrophic state. Remember. Affection is important and everyone needs it, especially from someone you love.
To be affectionate you don’t need to spend a lot of time or money. Not even a single dime, you don’t even need to take time from your schedules. You can do the simple things anytime and between what you are doing. You can do it by simply greeting your partner with love, caressing his/her back or neck while watching TV, tell them that you love a lot while watching movie together, giving a good morning kiss to wake her/him up(who cares for the morning breath!). Don’t feel ashamed or awkward, it’s not something out of the universe doing. You did that all when you were a teenager. Do that again and have some more creativity.
7. Lack of Communication
The reason to put this at last is because this sin affects all the others on this list . You have heard it many times , but it’s true: good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. You are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. Having any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out.
Communication doesn’t just mean talking or arguing but good communication is honest without being attacking or blaming. Communicate your feelings like being hurt, frustrated, sorry, scared, sad, happy. Rather than criticizing, communicate a desire to work out a solution that works for you both, a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change. And communicate more than just problems. Communicate the good things too. Still have problems in it? I am here for you!